Thursday, July 28, 2005

Something to share with you

The fastest cure for my stress, tension, anger, grief, and pain, is not whacking the idiot who pissed me off, although I would really wanna do that, but it's music. Ever heard a song that can jump start your day, turn your mood from bad to happy in seconds just like a switch, alleviate your pain, unstressed, relaxed, or even boost up your confident. Besides, putting into your courtship steps will definitely enhance your chances of winning his/her heart, even though you sing like william hung.

There is particularly one song that I always remember. Heard it in a camp when I was in secondary school. One of the song that I love most. One of the song that will remind me to smile everyday, washing away my sorrows, always strive the best for myself and my love ones, sharing my happiness/sadness, learn to love and be love, making the world a better place....
Just found this song last week (wow ~ finally, been searching for some time) and it's in my Winamp playing now.

I would like to dedicate this song to my dearest family, friends, people who supported me, people who accompanied me during my ups and downs, people who read my blog, people whom I yet to know and will become part of my life in future, just like you guys/girls (^_~)

oh yeah, it's a mandarin song. Sorry for those people who doesn't read mandarin. I tried to translate it but it just doesn't bring out the essence. Will update later if I got it right. Anyone are welcome to help me translate.

You can get the song from Wish you all a happy day. Have faith.

p/s : BJ, don't bother to download, it's in your iPod. By the way, BJ, since you so free, please translate for me, this will be your warm up for "future endeavors".

Wednesday, July 27, 2005


It's my first time stepping into the BAR council. No, not that I been cheated by some lawyers and filling complain but accompanying my friend to do filling on their completion for chambering. Yes, another two friend joining the AS (Advocates & Solicitor)

I kinda impressed by those ASes, never imagine especially in a hot oven alike place such as KL, people wearing BLACK coat walking around the street and almost everyone of them that i met dressing the same under the hot sun. Well, I'm not an AS, but i guess outside the High Court, taking off your coat shouldn't be a problem but those ASes seems like enjoying the natural sauna, smart and professionally dressed.

However, one thing i don't understand is why payment of the filling is in BAR council and filling itself is done in High court. At the end need to submit the certified document back to BAR council. Like, talk about efficiency, time saving, less skin cancer, they are no way close to that. We arrived in there early morning and by the time my friends finished filling, it's EXACTLY the time they call it a day. Not that they need to entertain 100 people but I only saw 6 people there, three of us and another 3 is the staff working there.

Last time Chris get extra interest charges from his loan due to his lawyer late approval on some document, i think it's known as progressive interest. He was very pissed off coz technically that lawyer just need to chop and sign. Now I get some idea why they make those ASes walking back and forth between the BAR council and High court, so they can exercise more and sign faster, else things might be even worse. So the AS replied "Lawyer very busy one ah~". Oh yeah, that sounds familiar, you'll heard all these saying everyday:

Lawyer : I very busy, so many people to sue, so little time.

Engineer : I very busy, so many bosses screw up, so little time to fix.

Doctor : I very busy, so many people brainless, so little time to operate, find a brain and install the brain for them.

Teacher : I very busy, so many student to take care, so less people use condom.

Police : I very busy, so many idiots outside, we can't shoot some to lessen government's burden making the world a happier place.

Fireman : I very busy, so many people creating fire, couples having fun in bushes, BBQ, London bombing, I'm the only one putting off the fire.

Bosses : I very busy, so many people to screw, so much stress to release, receptionist is just one button away.

Receptionist : I very busy, so many people call me, even the boss screw me...

Salesman : I very busy, so many quota to achieve, everyone so busy, so hard to make appointment with bosses, even just to let the receptionist pick up the phone.

Jobless : I very busy, so many jobs to apply, so many interviews to attend, so many bosses don't wanna hire me, so busy doing nothing.

Captain : I very busy, so many plane to fly, so many stewardess so date, so little time.

Friend : I very busy, so many plane to fly (sudden absent from appointment/yam cha session, A.K.A fly pigeon), so many girls/guys to date, so little time.

Student : I very busy, exam coming, project dead line coming, prom night coming, club ladies' night coming, gf's menses not coming.....

Programmer/IT : I very busy, windows sucks, linux bugs, no time to oh si (A.K.A Pang Sai or doing business in toilet), so busy linking the whole world, so busy luring idiots to blog so can earn more money..

Blogger : I very busy, so many things to blog, so many people sue me for what I blog, so many doctor trying to install brain for me, so many police blocking, so many fireman tried to put of the fire I start in my blog, so many readers' comments to delete/ignore/block...

Readers : I very busy, so many blogs to read, so many comments to fire back, so long time for blogger to reply and fire back.

If everyone is SOOOOOOOOO busy, why since last weekend till today all the shopping mall in KL/PJ full of people?

Aunties/chics/ah lian: I very busy, mega sale now, so many shopping mall, so less time, so less credit limit on my husband/bf's credit card, so less bfs to carry my stuff...

*thanks bj for the add on*

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Can be a self defense class advertisement

Victim : Male hunk.
Predator : Black shirt girl
Witness : red shirt girl
Location : Somewhere in KL, near mamak.
What happened : Victim was walking with red shirt girl, black shirt girl walking in front. Suddenly victim....

Victim : AAAaaaaaa ~~~~~ !!

Black shirt girl : (Turn back) huh ?

Red shirt girl : hehehe....

Victim : FEI LEI aaaaaaa ~ (Red shirt girl was molesting the victim, victim's hand infront of his chest and *censored*, securing his last line of defence...)

Strangely, nobody pays attention to the incident. Even the victim tried to shout loud.

Red shirt girl : hehe.. You shout la, no one will come and help you one, it only works for girls....

Victim : ... (-_-").....

Red shirt girl : Don't believe ar.. let me show you... FEI LEI aaa ~

Walaueh.. all the people turn and check out what happen, the nearby Indian group who invaded the parking space and start charging people for parking money were ready to become hero and all their eyes were like light saber beaming towards the victim.

Victim : .. I ... eerrr... wahahahhhaa... (trying to convince people around that it was all just a joke between friends before some hero wannabe kills him)

Red shirt girl : See ? hehehe...

Black shirt girl : (shake her head) You two nothing to do ar, go back home la...

WTF, am I in hell or what? No wonder you see more guys in the shao lin/judo/taekwondo/Aikido self defense class.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Unofficial Interview says : Phone interview = The questioning of a person conducted over the telephone. says : Phone interview = You should be prepared, practice, no chewing gum, smile (Scroll back to the top, it's "Phone Interview" all right, and i thought was "Malaysian Idol Audition", suppose interviewer have superman vision), talk slow and take your time (Yes, of course, interviewer pay the phone bill), don't interrupt interviewer, short answers, say thank you. says : Phone interview : To con the interviewer for future face-to-face interview with your best shot.

Today I got a call. No introduction on myself, no asking about what/who/why/when/where/how or anything related to me, no appointment fixing for future interview, no "tell me the biggest obstacle in your life" like the Apprentice, but....

Interviewer : Please translate "Termination payment/severance payment" into mandarin.

Me : ....(-_-").... 解雇支付...

Interviewer : Is it? Thanks...

Me : 遣散? also can....

Interviewer : Cool, thanks, take care, bye.

Ok, this is not good. Someone get fired because they wanna hire me. I caused someone jobless indirectly. According to Buddhism I'll get bad karma.

On a second thought, may be they hinting me that I'll get fired anytime if I screw up or they bankrupt.

On a third thought, they can discharge me when someone else apply for my position.

On a fourth thought, I must be dreaming. Proceeding to locate a nearby friend to pinch in order to confirm.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Nice piece of gadget - iPod review

After 3 years plus, finally i can have a touch on da legendary iPod. The feeling is just like watching fireworks with love ones, going back penang eating char koay teow, or the instant moment of seeing a toilet in front of me after stomachache for one hour.

What else could I say, elegant design, excellent sound quality , the 4th generation iPod is one of the best digital jukebox in town. Besides costing you a fortune itself, the accessories will make sure you'll left money good enough to eat bread only for the coming week. Yet still, you should have saved $100 for the price reduction compare to 1st generation.

I personally like the scroll function, circling around the pad, known as Click Wheel interface. The stylish design with polished white body, gleaming silver back panel, 20GB space in 158g are the main reasons one would choose iPod over other audio player. Even the packaging are well designed beautifully to prolong your excitement about finally owning the product.

However, in order to utilize the iPod, you might need to pay a price. Basically iPod is a portable hard disk with audio player function in it. You’ll have to buy your own voice recorder, camera connector, microphone adapter, and even firewire data cable in order to enjoy all the benefits it can offer. Besides that, you'll also need to buy shock protector case, screen protector, Click Wheel protector, and other redundant necessary gadgets to protect the iPod. You won't be able to see the amazing drop from second floor broke into pieces fixed it back still can use stunt like other audio player which is using solid state memory, such as SD, XD, Compact Flash and so on. Therefore, iPod, not recommended for walking disasters.

Clockwise: iPod Award design package, Manual/installation CD/USB data cable/Earphones, iPod front/side view, FM transmitter (to synchronize with your car's audio player), Messages found on package, iPod silver back view, Protectors, Charger, Car cup-holder console (that's where you put your iPod when you use your FM transmitter in your car), iPod package again.

That is My BJ's iPod. Million thanks to BJ for the fun, this entry dedicated to BJ.

Monday, July 18, 2005

The 100 plus king

The 100 plus king came again today. Nobody knows his real name. I tried asking what his profession is. He told me he was an accountant. The next day he told fong fong he is a writer, follow by vege seller in OUG, and today, he's a part time policeman! That was the coolest part time job I ever heard. Looks like he had been through lots of job transition, just like what I'll be going though. He is one of the most welcomed customer in the shop. You see, everytime he comes the sales of 100plus can drink will shoot up high in the sky.

During the first encounter, when Chris sees the softdrink sales for the week, he was like *eyes open wide* "What happened those few days ?" I replied, F&N factory announced that they accidentally drop a 5 carat diamond during their canning process of the drink, and now the diamond is somewhere in one of the 100plus can delivered all across Malaysia! Hehe... of course not. Else I'll be very busy shaking 100plus can right now. "It's the guy that I'm trying to tell you before, the one that one shot buy 14 can of 100plus and finished all in 2 hours time without going toilet, sweat or puke (ok, suppose 14 can of Carlsberg will do...)." So at the end we decided to call him The 100plus king. Below is a graph representing what Chris saw.

So you can see that 100plus king came for consecutive 5 days without failing and consistent of more than 10 cans per day. I did receive a circulating email long time ago about news regarding an idiot in some country drank 2 1.5litre coke and fainted, die on the spot. According to some doctor it is because of too much carbon dioxide in one shot causing intoxication and softdrink is already bad for health in the first place, so he died. Suppose it is a hoax, but I'm not going to experiment it. Now let us do some simple calculation here. If that idiot drank 3 liter (2 x 1.5 = 3 liter just in case any people failed their maths) and died, what would happen to a guy who drank 14 x 325ml = 4.55litre!

That really freaks me out. I'm not going to do CPR to him, not even if I'm a 99 year old female virgin who never been kissed before, over my dead body! But I don't want a dead corpse in the shop either, with stain of 100plus leaking out from his mouth. What am I suppose to do with it ? Chop it into pieces and mix into the "char siew" chicken rice stall beside my shop? Or I should call the police/ambulance? Everyone will know someone died in the shop and nobody will ever come to the shop and at the end I'll lose my job. Before I lose my job I'll get mental torture for the ghost story that swarm the whole taman since the day he died. Every night during stock check 14 cans of 100plus will be missing from the fridge, weird "pop" and "fizz" can opening sound would be heard out from nowhere! OMG~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!! Something tells me that I really have to do something.

My first attempt, to get to know him more and why the hell he drank so much 100plus for the sake of fun, why 100plus but not ice-cream soda or vanilla coke? He said only 100plus could wash away all the toxin that settle in his fat body. I dunno whether 100plus do have the ability to detoxify ones body, but I do know when I diarrhea/vomit/dehydrated, my doctor suggest me to get 100plus, but NOT 14cans for god sake. Persuasion of decreasing the consumption of 100plus doesn't agree by him, so I progress to the next step, stop him from drinking so much. I'll stop selling him when he had drank 8 cans of 100 plus. But he interpreted in a wrong way, he thought I was jealous and I wanna drink too. So since that day for every can he bought, he'll buy another can for me! OMG ! This guy is going to die and he is dragging me with him ! 14 cans of 100plus, I'll be dead in the 10th can. This forced me to use my ultimate plan, keep all the 100plus in the store room and told him all the 100plus has been sold out.

Now if you are wondering why I could predict when he is coming and proceed to hide the 100plus, that is from the monthly softdrink consumption graph that I plot for financial analysis purpose. Any spike in the graph will tells me when he's coming during the month and I did a forecast for that. Who says too much education is not good and wasting time? Somehow I feel lucky to have learned the advance excel charting and data analysis skill from my previous engineer job.
This time, it works! Since he won't buy any softdrinks other than 100plus, this will definitely stop him. Somehow after that he Missing In Action (MIA) for few weeks and then come back with 2-6 cans of 100plus everytime he visits. May be he successfully lessen his addiction to 100plus or may be he feels guilty to finish all the 100plus in my shop, leaving all other peoples no choice but to buy those poison softdrinks other than 100plus.

From here you can see actually he's a decent guy, he cares about other people, he advice me to drink more 100plus, and I'm gonna get nightmare of drowning in a pool of 100plus tonight.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Yam Cha with friend plus a whole colony of cockroach

Yam cha is already part of my life, just like going toilet to ease myself, stuck in KL traffic jam, or surfing in the net.

I had a 'winner' friend who doesn’t go mamak yam cha. She told me that people who go yam cha are losers that want to brag about themselves, releasing stress after working hours, always complaining about the whole world, always talk and never do. She even tried to psycho me to stop going yam cha. Yam cha is wasting time, better do something else, invest your time in a better ROI...blah blah blah... wow.. I think she gonna be millionaire soon.

No joke, she got a point there. I once get mamak-phobia for a while after eating at oug steven's corner. No, not the rat or the gay staff that keep touching me, nor the quality of the food has degraded. That was my young and innocent college time, celebrating my friend's birthday at steven's corner. After happily eating, when the bill comes, 5 of us almost faint. It cost us more than RM100. That will be a very big figure for us that still studying and none of our parents are Mr Kwok or Mr. GT Lim. Since that day on I never visit steven's corner till last year. Another mamak where you can eat for more than RM100 for 4 person is kayu nasi kandar at chow yang. But I believe other air con restaurant will be better choice compare to these mamak. So now you see how much you can save by avoiding mamak.

Everytime I met winner, it will either be lunch, dinner or shopping. Time is very efficiently used. Rather than discussing unfairness of the world in mamak we do it in her friend's house. Yes, winner is still a human, of course she need to channel her stress to other place just like the losers. Well, atleast she saves lots of money from avoiding mamak and not to be look like a loser.

So I decided to be a 'loser' and get my loser friend to have my late dinner at murni ss2. Good food, cheap, good service and lots of eye candies. During my meal the girl next table was shouting to her bf, "look, a BEE ~". I turn to the direction and saw that it's not just a bee, it's a god damn huge bee flying at the speed of bullet towards my way! Luckily I'm a fan of matrix, I bend backwards instantenously and the giant bee just flew pass me. Lucky me. After finishing our meals, catching up with old stuff, suddenly an eye candy jumps up and scream. She was like 10 tables away, her scream caused a chain reaction among the other girls, infecting a few of them to scream too. Now this is interesting. I only thought that I could see this kind of chain reaction in hospital, where one baby cries and the rest will start to cry too.

My friend and I turn our heads to check out what's happening but can't see anything besides some girls jumping around and the guys were sitting there stunned. Looks like rat or something, or may be the giant bee. Suddenly I feel something is crawling behind my back, I tried to sweep my back but didn't feel anything, before I could ask my friend, the next table girl pointing at me, with the look of seeing "the ring" alive in front of her, telling her boy friend "Yiiiiaaaakkkss...there is a cockroach on that guy's shirt!" Now this time it's my turn to panic. I nearly shout but I didn't because if the cockroach run into my mouth I'll get heart attack and died immediately. I freeze my movement, tried not to excite the roach to run to wrong other place of my body. My friend just looks at me and dunno what to do too. Slapping the roach ? NO, not a good idea, I can even imagine the roach's eyeball rolling on the floor, it's rectum burst and the shits will be all over my shirts, Wooing it away, who knows the next stop might be in my teh-o-ice-limau. Before we could think of anything, the girl's boy friend said "Oh it just flied away! Pheeewww…somehow for a man like me, I still have phobia against roaches.

Now if you dunno, Asian cockroaches like to fly, they fly whenever they could, compare to German and American cockroach. I'm ok with rat, lizards, bugs, ants, pigs, monkeys, caterpillar use to be fine but not anymore, mosquito, but cockroach, it's one of the worse creature to encounter with. They are not afraid of declaring war, they won't hide from you, they'll fly towards you and land on your face, god knows how many virus, bacteria and worms they injected onto your face. Today if you kill one, tomorrow there will be hundreds looking for you!

The nightmare has just started, all of the sudden, the entire cockroach colony just decided to come out and party, it's a scary scene of cockroach flying everywhere, guys and girls jumping around, people trying to cover their food, some buta ayam fellas still wondering what happen, and I'm on my way paying the bills and out of here. This time I caused another chain reaction, lots of people started to leave as well.

If you're wondering how the Asian cockroach that attacks me looks like compare to the German and American, roaches, of course, have a 'loser' gathering at murni when you are free.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Idiot Guide to How to court girl/make your girl friend happy - Proven tactics

Somehow some people found that "How to succeed with women" by Louis/Copeland is too complicated and not practical to be used in Malaysia. Both of the authors are relationship consultant for decades. It sounds complicated because that's what makes them expert. Now we have an easier one, very practical, almost everyone heard of it, yet still effective.

It was another boring day for me till I receive a message complaining about my blog putting wrong thing at the wrong day. The message even told me that the Book review shouldn't been done on that day. I browsed some fortune telling websites, non of it have a section on "Should you or should you not blog today" or "How to calculate what you should blog in your blog today!". Still no clue, I look at my calendar, It was July 12 year 2005, the seventh day of month June in Chinese calendar.... OH SHIT ! Now I know what went wrong, I almost forgot my best buddy A.K.A leng leng's birthday. Actually she did remind me about that at the end of the message, which I had missed, that was after i found out it's her birthday, and scroll down to see the entire message.

Now how could a smart guy like me will do this kind of mistake? I actually have set a reminder in my hp. But the problem is all these years i was the first to greet her at 12am. This time i decided to be the last one to greet her, clearing the ways for her bf and admirers to be the first one. Later i found out her bf did made it.

Until now, we should have learned 3 things if you did notice.

1) Always remember her birthday!
- Never forget her birthday, but if you somehow been brainwashed or memory lost, after you forgot once she'll made you remember it forever. Tattoo is very cheap nowadays, go get one.

2) Never loose any small clue, she always hints you
- Unless you have six sense like me who later realized that i almost missed her birthday, you better take note of the small details and messages she 'accidentally' leak out. Just like this case, she 'hint' me that it's her birthday by saying "Today is my birthday, hng, ..... " at the very end of the message which i almost left out. However it's not advisable to depend solely on six sense because i almost get lost in Bangsar using my six sense, thanks to CY, her left is right, right is left direction skill helps me find my way home.

3) Consistency counts
- If you had started to treat her well all these while, DON'T CHANGE! Please do your maintenance or she'll complain that you don't love her anymore, the love has faded... blah blah... For example if you're always the first one to wish her, make sure you'll continue to do that for the rest of your life. Poor guys who gave diamond ring to girls on first date, they'll bankrupt soon.

If you didn't notice you should had learn all these 3 things, please refer to No. 2 and polish your skill on that. If you have no idea how to do that, please refer to "I know what you're thinking" by Lillian Glass. Inside the book hey have very good examples on how you can archive that, to master's level! At the end of the day, you not only know hot to spot details, as well as knowing what your gf is thinking, that's awesome! Now who says my Book review shouldn't be done?

4) The Ignore game
-You should ignore you gf's sign and hint, acting as if you have forgot her birthday. Having a romantic dinner at her birthday eve then send her back early. At 11.55pm call her and chatting nonsense, when the time comes tell her that you're just outside her house, holding a low-fat birthday cake singing a birthday song in the middle of the street. It may be sound lame to some of you but that's what leng leng's bf did and she's so happy about it. So i guess it works, and may be you guys should try it.

5) Add Ons
-And you think it's end of story, try to do more to make her a memorable day in her life. The next day leng leng went to work, someone page her to the front desk to pickup some stuff. It turns out to be half dozen of water lily (Her favorite flower). On her way back to her cube, the whole factory knew that it's her birthday and she's the spot light of the day. The scent of the lily spread through the whole office and she's the envy of all girls.

Always bear in mind that the next year you'll have to do the same level of greatness or better than that. It's a cumulative upkeep! The level I mentioned here is not about the progress, nor the tricks, it's about making her so happy and letting her know that she's the special one and you really treasure her.

If you have no idea how happy she is (not 'was', now this is not a grammar mistake, coz she still happy until today),check this out. She send me a photo of the flower. God knows how many friends she forwarded out. But i'm happy because she's happy, I feel the essence too.

Happy birthday leng leng!

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Review - Books to read

Been hiding in my room for whole day, so I decided to go out and have a walk, may be I could met someone special/gorgeous/amusing/strange/idiot along the way and I'll have something to blog about.

It's been my habit of walking into MPH whenever I have the chance to go to mid valley. I use to hang out in MPH every weekend during my college final year, sitting there whole day and doing research for my final year project. Though most of the time I was reading something else like "Voodoo for dummies", "How to succeed with Women", "Photoshop" - some chapters on how to tweak your gf photo into 34 24 34 figure (yes, MPH do have these books), and so on... Suppose I should be hitting some books like XML, J2EE, Javabeans, and Javascripts but it's just too boring. I could have slept in the MRC exclusive lounge.

When I walk pass the self help section, a book caught my attention. "How to deal with people you can't stand?"...Wow... they say fishing can help train your patience against idiots, which I did try to go to arcade centre and play the fishing game, but I think this book sound more convincing.

The book identify a few types of people, such as the sniper (people who use their finger to poke other people's back), the whiner (Self explained), The think-they-know-it-all idiot, and so on. What interesting was, there is a chapter actually sound like this "How to deal with people that can't stand you". Now that's something.

However it's very technical. You can't solve a problem solely by diplomatic skill. Because it just clean the surface and the problem is still there. Imagine you wake up in a beautiful morning, bright sunlight shines into the garden, your lovely spouse just made you a balance diet breakfast, you feel that life is so wonderful and you are all ready to work your ass out for the monthly pay check. The next thing you know is some idiot crashing his 4 wheel drive into your house, knocking down everything in the house except you, your spouse and the dining table. Assume that you are not superhero, you shall remain shock for atleast another 10 seconds. The driver then come down and start swearing and greeting your parents, coz you build the house out of no where in the middle of the road, causing him to have accident. You turn to checkout your spouse, she/he is ok, but you saw she/he had been injured.

So now, you have a choice of look for the book, flip to the last page, check the glossary on "mad drivers", and apply what's in the book to solve the problem in perfect harmless diplomatic peaceful way, or you can jump up and whack the fella with "How to deal with people you can't stand?", stab, stomp, beat, punch, kick and later send him to JPJ again to retake his driving test. "Action speaks louder than words!" (Brad Sugar)

Just in case you worry that that guy is too strong for you to handle, please refer to "Awaken the giant within", and "Unlimited Power" by Anthony Robbins to release your potential power that you have. Croce's "110%" will be another good choice. You can further enhance your skill by reading "I know what you are thinking" by Lilian Glass, this will help you to predict what the idiot will do next step. What if you are too shock and don't know you should kick his ass or should call the police first ? The "7 habits of highly effective people" by Stephen R. Covey could be your choice. There you'll learn to do the correct thing at the correct time effectively.

Since we all live in 21st century, violent is not accepted widely across the nation. So another alternative is to buy a bungalow with a very big garden, plant lots of tree hedging it. In that case no idiot can ramp into your house. In order to become millionaire, "1 minute millionaire"-Robert Allan and "The millionaire next door"-Stanley, will be good reference. If you have the patience to read, rich dad series by Robert should be fine too.

Another important book you'll need to get when you come across such situation is "How To Negotiate Anything With Anyone, Anywhere Around The World" by Frank L. This is serious business, how much compensation you will get and whether you are right or wrong to build a house in the middle of the road, turning black into white, it all relies on your negotiation skills.

Lastly, you will need to polish your skills, increasing your successful rate in doing things. Ever wonder why failures always seek on you and others always seem to know what to do? It's because you dunno the rules of the game. "LAW OF SUCCESS" follow by "The master plan to success" by Napoleon hill is the ultimate books you need to have!

Now you know why reading is so important.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Women whom all man wants?

Finally I met up with her after a few months. Heard she was happily loitering in Vancouver this time. It's always been a pleasure chatting with her, the way she carry herself, the charisma she projected, pretty, cute, and most importantly, she really knows how to treat a man like a man!

Let's call her CY, to keep her mysterious identity. Ok, I'm selfish. Man shares cloths, underwear, food, car, house, money, everything together with his best friends but not girls! Atleast not for me. Although I'm not dating her but keeping her safe from the "ham sap" fellas in KL/PJ is still my job.

I was in her house, sipping sky juice (That's the only things she has, I think :P) and eating prawn crackers while she ironing her cloths. As a perfect man wannabe, I offered my service FOC but she rejected. Partly because I didn't have a PHD in ironing cloths I guess, as she's very good in that.

Me : (Looking at the shirt, puzzled) Isn't that an iron-free shirt that you are working on ?

CY : Yes it is.

Me : So why are you ironing it ?

CY : Because it has wrinkles.

Me : What ?! (Stand closer but yet still didn't see any wringkles)

CY : See ~ Here, a small one....

Me : (Finally saw a 0.5cm wrinkle, in spilt second it's gone after she shove the iron over it ) Nobody will ever notice or consider that as a wrinkle and you don't have to iron that piece of shirt coz it is designed not to be ironed !

CY : Actually I like doing house chores. You know I iron my t-shirts which I wear to sleep, I even iron my bed sheets!

OMG ~ Why on earth a person want to do that? I don't understand, but on the other hand, it suppose to be a good news to guys. You see, she can be a very good housewife, she'll do all the house chores, sweeping the floor, ironing everything that you wear including your socks and underwear.

You don't have to worry about dumping her alone in the bungalow which you bought to keep her while you went off to earn money, because she'll be busy doing all the household stuff. She then will have no time to go out shopping, that will ensure all your credit card's safety, no time to sit down at secret recipe having tea break eating super hi-fat cheese cake with the aunties in the neighborhood, thus ensuring that you won't experience the "sudden shock of finding your wife turn into fat chic the next day" syndrome. Moreover, frequent house chores contribute to calorie burning, maintaining her body figure and firm ...ahem... If you worried that she don't have enough work to do, just make sure you couple have fun on the bed everynight, such as "chor tai di" (yes, two person can play, trust me), pillow romance fighting, exotic yoga, or rocking the bed every night. The next morning she'll be so busy ironing the bed sheet, pillow sheets, blankets......

Proceeding to the nearest nuclear bomb underground shelter, as my six sense tell me that CY and her bf gonna make me pay for blogging this.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Lunch turned into nightmare

Lunchtime, I went to the economy rice stall which I always visits.

Tauke: Handsome, eat or ta pao ?

Me (happy, coz people called me handsome, it's even harder than striking 4D number) : EAT ~ More rice please !(According to doc and psychologist one tends to eat more if he's happy)

Tauke : We got lots of good food today, like curry fish head, fried sotong...blah blah blah...

Me : No No, got gastric, doc says cannot take oily/spicy food, vege will be fine.

Tauke : No problem, we got fresh vege today.

After getting what I want, I sit down and eat at nearby table. Then there was a living creature walking in. Creature in the sense of I'm not sure he's a human or beast, with his yellow shinny teeth, bloody red eyes and golem look-alike skin. This of course, didn't scares me because I had seen slipknot

However the lumps on his face reminds me of the movie "Alien". It looks like an alien infested bulge where the small little aliens are crawling their way out from the lump. This makes me a bit uneasy due to the inner fear that been planted during my much younger age of watching alien and lost counts of nightmares relating to that. There is a Chinese proverb sound like this "知人知面不知心, 好人好面不好心" (Direct translate : know the person, know the face, dunno the heart; good person, good face, heart no good). So may be he's the kindest hearted gentleman on the earth.

Tauke : Handsome, eat or ta pao?

Creature : TA~ PAO~

OMG! Did I hear "handsome"? The first thing I did was turning my head around and checkout the mirror near the hand basin. No way! If I were to be called as handsome together with this creature, I would rather be doing bungee jumping. Trying to swallow back the rice in my mouth which I nearly throw up, my lunch seems to be harder to consume.

I always believe that things happened for a reason. The people you meet, the things you see, and the bad/good luck that happened on you, it's actually a sign! God/Buddha/Allah/Whatever is trying to tell you something. Later I found out that is true and this again strengthen my believe.

In order not to be terrified by the creature and spoiling my appetite, I decided to put all my attention on my plate of vege rice. Two eyes focusing on my lunch, eating slowly with the aid of plenty of sky juice. Nothing unusual happen until the last serve of my vege.

With the training of my final year project during my college period years ago, dealing with picture optimization and color optimization for web based and commercial advertising purpose, I developed a very sensitive color recognition towards unusual objects.
In between of the vege on the spoon which I'm going to feed into my mouth, I see something different color than my all green vege with onions. It's a slightly fairer green object with the shape of nothing related to the vege family. I used my fork to dig the greeny thing out and.... OMG !!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's a god damn 1 and a half inche fat fried baby caterpillar served with vege and onions! I can tell you that my mind is totally blank at that moment, and my body's reflex system autopilot me to the nearest toilet. After I finished my business I showed it to the tauke.

Me : Your today good food fresh vege comes with jackpot.

Tauke : hehehe...soli... soli....

Seeing me doesn't buy his apologize, he continue...

Tauke : Aiya, don't worry, means the vege taste so good, even the worm wanna get a bite, somemore got protein mah...

I had to admit that I'm not adventurous enough to try fried ants, fried grasshopper, steam maggots, or vege onion caterpillar. It's just not my cup of tea. Imagine how many caterpillars I had taken in? Since I ordered a full vege meal. I was in a trauma and I told myself that I have to look at the bright side. So back to my believe. If that Hero (known as Creature before that in the above paragraph, and he saves me from eating that caterpillar) never comes in, forcing me to totally focusing on my lunch, I would have ate the worm, digested in my stomach, and the protein from the worm will contribute to the cell of my body, making my stronger, and I might turn into brother of Spiderman, THE CATEPILLAR MAN!.....EEEEEeeeeuuuuuuwwww...... Zillion thanks to my hero.

So he is the kindest hearted gentleman on the earth. Never judge a book by its cover, so as human. (finger crossed).

Friday, July 08, 2005

Long live malaysians

I remember once an old guy told me that "The older you live, the more things you'll see". I definitely agree for that. As malaysian getting more and more creative, innovative, and unpredictable everyday, you'll never know what you'll see the next second.

It doesn't take me too long to see crazy occurrence again. When I was on my way to work, 9.30 am in the morning, best time to travel since all the jam has gone, smooth traffic guarantee my good mood. When I arrive at the Othman roundabout, I'm surprise to see so many cars pilling up there. Must be some idiot accident again I think. However when I reach the roundabout, I was like "What the f**k!". The cause of the jam is due to an Indian aunty driving her SLK (Small Little Kancil).

Now we all know that all roundabout in malaysia are moving clockwise. Whether you have kopi license or didn't attend the pre-course before taking the driving test, by using common sense will still help you realize that you should go clockwise. Come to the worst, following the crowd will still ensure you doing the right thing. But this Indian aunty, she's driving ANTI-CLOCKWISE! You can get a clearer picture below :

So this dunno come out from where Indian aunty was inching her way to dunno where and all the cars are trying to avoid her. The best thing was, when the taxi driver honks her for that, she gave the "What's wrong with you??? look with her head slightly rose up and speak out something which no one could hear.

If she's not having a kopi license, did attend the driving class, got common sense, based on my observation, there is no "P" sticker on the windscreen, so means she is an experience driver and she should came across a roundabout before. She did this due to possible reasons stated below:

  1. She GOT CHARACTER. Ever heard people say don't follow the crowd, be your own self, walk your own road, be special ! That's what the Indian aunty is doing.
  2. She's a victim of drunken wife beater husband, just got out from the hell house, trying her best to run away from her husband. It's her first time driving a car, and her predator husband never drive her around the town so she never know roundabout is going clockwise. God/Buddha/Allah bless the Indian aunty. May the common sense be with her.
  3. It was Channel 9's last hope to save their company by airing a live "Gotcha" show. Hidden cameras were placed around the roundabout and inside the Indian aunty cars so when those people start to curse her, get irritated and taking spana/parang out from their car and ready for an action, some idiot will actually jump out from dunno where and say "Smile ~ you are on TV, see the camera there ?... ? Needless to say it didn't work and channel 9 closed down.

Too bad I didn't stay to see how she manage to get out from that situation, yet it's still an eye opener for me.