Monday, July 18, 2005

The 100 plus king

The 100 plus king came again today. Nobody knows his real name. I tried asking what his profession is. He told me he was an accountant. The next day he told fong fong he is a writer, follow by vege seller in OUG, and today, he's a part time policeman! That was the coolest part time job I ever heard. Looks like he had been through lots of job transition, just like what I'll be going though. He is one of the most welcomed customer in the shop. You see, everytime he comes the sales of 100plus can drink will shoot up high in the sky.

During the first encounter, when Chris sees the softdrink sales for the week, he was like *eyes open wide* "What happened those few days ?" I replied, F&N factory announced that they accidentally drop a 5 carat diamond during their canning process of the drink, and now the diamond is somewhere in one of the 100plus can delivered all across Malaysia! Hehe... of course not. Else I'll be very busy shaking 100plus can right now. "It's the guy that I'm trying to tell you before, the one that one shot buy 14 can of 100plus and finished all in 2 hours time without going toilet, sweat or puke (ok, suppose 14 can of Carlsberg will do...)." So at the end we decided to call him The 100plus king. Below is a graph representing what Chris saw.

So you can see that 100plus king came for consecutive 5 days without failing and consistent of more than 10 cans per day. I did receive a circulating email long time ago about news regarding an idiot in some country drank 2 1.5litre coke and fainted, die on the spot. According to some doctor it is because of too much carbon dioxide in one shot causing intoxication and softdrink is already bad for health in the first place, so he died. Suppose it is a hoax, but I'm not going to experiment it. Now let us do some simple calculation here. If that idiot drank 3 liter (2 x 1.5 = 3 liter just in case any people failed their maths) and died, what would happen to a guy who drank 14 x 325ml = 4.55litre!

That really freaks me out. I'm not going to do CPR to him, not even if I'm a 99 year old female virgin who never been kissed before, over my dead body! But I don't want a dead corpse in the shop either, with stain of 100plus leaking out from his mouth. What am I suppose to do with it ? Chop it into pieces and mix into the "char siew" chicken rice stall beside my shop? Or I should call the police/ambulance? Everyone will know someone died in the shop and nobody will ever come to the shop and at the end I'll lose my job. Before I lose my job I'll get mental torture for the ghost story that swarm the whole taman since the day he died. Every night during stock check 14 cans of 100plus will be missing from the fridge, weird "pop" and "fizz" can opening sound would be heard out from nowhere! OMG~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!! Something tells me that I really have to do something.

My first attempt, to get to know him more and why the hell he drank so much 100plus for the sake of fun, why 100plus but not ice-cream soda or vanilla coke? He said only 100plus could wash away all the toxin that settle in his fat body. I dunno whether 100plus do have the ability to detoxify ones body, but I do know when I diarrhea/vomit/dehydrated, my doctor suggest me to get 100plus, but NOT 14cans for god sake. Persuasion of decreasing the consumption of 100plus doesn't agree by him, so I progress to the next step, stop him from drinking so much. I'll stop selling him when he had drank 8 cans of 100 plus. But he interpreted in a wrong way, he thought I was jealous and I wanna drink too. So since that day for every can he bought, he'll buy another can for me! OMG ! This guy is going to die and he is dragging me with him ! 14 cans of 100plus, I'll be dead in the 10th can. This forced me to use my ultimate plan, keep all the 100plus in the store room and told him all the 100plus has been sold out.

Now if you are wondering why I could predict when he is coming and proceed to hide the 100plus, that is from the monthly softdrink consumption graph that I plot for financial analysis purpose. Any spike in the graph will tells me when he's coming during the month and I did a forecast for that. Who says too much education is not good and wasting time? Somehow I feel lucky to have learned the advance excel charting and data analysis skill from my previous engineer job.
This time, it works! Since he won't buy any softdrinks other than 100plus, this will definitely stop him. Somehow after that he Missing In Action (MIA) for few weeks and then come back with 2-6 cans of 100plus everytime he visits. May be he successfully lessen his addiction to 100plus or may be he feels guilty to finish all the 100plus in my shop, leaving all other peoples no choice but to buy those poison softdrinks other than 100plus.

From here you can see actually he's a decent guy, he cares about other people, he advice me to drink more 100plus, and I'm gonna get nightmare of drowning in a pool of 100plus tonight.


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